When I was little, I couldn't wait to grow up. I suppose it's like that for everyone. My time was spent listening to the grown-ups and watching their behavior. That is not exactly a bad thing, only I was watching the wrong grown-ups...the so-called "cool adults." I watched as they drank and got high and wore skimpy clothing to get the attention that they desired. Although, they were "cool," I couldn't mimic everything that they did. The skimpy clothing, well, I didn't like that so much. However, I didn't mind short shorts, skirts, or sports bras with a vest...when it was hot outside. Partying was different too, I put on a little more make up and did up my hair and wore something flattering. What was different from me and them, was I didn't throw myself at men. I never understood that. Yes, I wanted attention, but I'll be damned if I was going to have to beg for it. I saw what happened when they got the "attention" that they so desired. Wham, bam, thank you mam...and then, well, then nothing. After that they had to start the process of begging for attention all over again. It was more than degrading! It was stupid! How I had thought that any of these people were cool was beyond me. How can you expect to get close to someone...begin a relationship with someone, if you start out as a easy screw? It's next to impossible. I didn't want to go through what they went through, constantly went through. The few who did manage to "date" always ended up with a kid that was tossed in each others faces when they needed to hurt one another. Children should never be used as a tool to hurt people, especially used by one parent to hurt the other. That's unacceptable! It's selfish and without any regard at all for the child's well being. Remember that, when you have a child...as a mother you make yourself do without so that your child can have.
The older I got the more I knew I wasted my childhood watching these people who I now despised. I knew that at least I learned one thing from them. I knew who I was and I wasn't like them. I never did fit in. I watched them as they grew older. They became bitter and twisted. Some of the women became the ones who's sole purpose was to steal some one's man. Is that any kind of life and what did they think they're reward was? The old saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" has proved true so far. I only know 3 people who have straitened up after they were "playing" the fields...so to speak. Even I was not above this at one point. I do, however, pride myself on my loyalty. How can this be you ask? Well, I never allowed myself to jump to conclusions...I am loyal until I have the proverbial smoking gun. Then, well, it's a whole new ball game. The way I see it, if they felt like throwing the whole relationship away for a "good time," well, they get what they deserve. I will never stay with someone who is disloyal. I found out my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me. Hmm...found out is a bit of an understatement. I walked into the duplex to see
him asleep and naked on the floor with some naked red-head close by. Yeah, he even tried to tell me, "It isn't what it looks like." Oh, really!? I have always had to work at trust, but I'm not the jealous type. However, whether or not that was a "misunderstanding" as he would have me believe it, I do believe in not putting yourself in that type of situation. I could never wipe that scene from my eyes. So I just left. I called up one of the guys that kept asking me out and had myself a good time. Then I let my man know what I did and that we were over. I guess I need to make note here. Not everything I did in my youth was right and this is certainly one of those. Where as my leaving my boyfriend was the right thing to do, I shouldn't have stooped to his level. It makes every body a little bitter inside. Relationships are hard work and very few high-school sweet-hearts ever make it past high-school.
So...what is the point of this long-winded scenario, you ask? Be young while your young! Never try to be like someone else. Be young when your older! Be true to yourself. Sex just complicates things. I spent most of my teenage years saving myself for marriage and wish I still would have done so after I became an adult. Sex is definitely not everything, but it can be with the man who is worthy of marrying you. And make no mistake, he must be worthy of marriage before you except. Never get into a relationship with ulterior motives. Those women that I watched all came to hate me. Why, you say? Well, simply...as I said before, I wasn't like them and didn't want to be. I couldn't throw myself at some man's feet begging for his good graces. As a result of this, I never had too. It had quite the opposite affect, in deed. I had more men asking me to go out with them then I knew what to do with. But, did we ever go out? Maybe with a couple of them, but the one's I wanted...I had to ask out myself. To this day, I've only been told no 2 or 3 times.
The moral of this story is...be young and raise the bar! Don't take whatever man comes your way. Go get the man of your dreams! And above all be you when you do...don't try to act older or any other way.
